


Keep Smiling Through

by alwayssunnyprompts



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Angst, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s05e01 The Gang Exploits the Mortgage Crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 19:37:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11020170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwayssunnyprompts/pseuds/alwayssunnyprompts
Summary: "Dennis has caused him pain, but he’s also made Mac the happiest he’s ever been. Isn’t that…isn’t that all love is? "Mac realizes situations are rarely that simple.





	Keep Smiling Through

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy!

“Do that for me. Okay, baby boy?”

Mac feels like he just got punched in the gut. The kind that you didn’t know was coming, that you have no way to prepare for. That knocked the wind out of you and made you dizzy. He was in full costume, in the living room of a stranger’s house, those kids right in front of them. But he feels like he has tunnel vision. He can’t look away from Dennis’s eyes. He wants Dennis’s hands on his face, on his body. 

He feels bile rising in his throat. It’s not gay or anything if he’s playing a character. Still, the guilt is burning in his stomach and he doesn’t know how to make it stop. Maybe he doesn’t want it to stop.

If things were different, he wouldn’t be like this. If him and Dennis didn’t make such a great team, if being around him didn’t make Mac feel whole, if spending the rest of their lives together wasn’t the most wonderful thing he’d ever heard. If Dennis wasn’t right here in front of him, touching him, taunting him, pretending they were a couple, then maybe, maybe he’d be okay. 

But he is, and his hands keep ghosting over Mac’s cheeks, his shoulders, his waist, and with each burst of bliss comes a dark cloud of shame and soon Mac is shaking with anxiety. He lets it bubble up to the surface, channeling it into yelling at the customers.

 Dennis seems impressed.

 Mac wants to throw up. 

* * *

At the end of the day they’re back at their apartment, tired from the short-lived victory of getting to swim in that couple’s pool. Dennis is showering.

Mac is laying on the couch, curled on his side. He still feels the pull of panic in his brain, his fight-or-flight response ready to kick in at any moment. He tries to push the thought of Dennis’s hands on his face out of his head, but he can’t. Even playing a part, Dennis knows what makes him tick, how to calm him down. He gets him in a way that Mac isn’t sure anyone else does, not even Charlie. 

What could be better than that? It’s more than anyone else has ever done for him. When he really considers the thought, it’s all that he could ever want. Someone that understands and accepts him. Someone to be there through the ups and downs and crazy schemes. Someone to get him out of jams. Dennis has caused him pain, but he’s also made Mac the happiest he’s ever been. Isn’t that…isn’t that all love is? 

He feels the nausea return in full force. His head is buzzing. 

Obviously, he means love, like friendship. They’re best friends, of course they care about each other. A tiny voice in Mac’s head tells him that best friends don’t want to touch each other. 

_Best friends don’t want to kiss each other._

He hears the shower shut off and suddenly Mac’s heart feels like it’s going to explode. If he wasn’t so insanely fit, he would probably think he was having a heart attack. _Is this a panic attack?_ He doesn’t feel right. He can’t remember if he’s ever had one. That’s weird. He can’t really think at all. It’s like his whole body is short circuiting. He feels dizzy and confused and he can’t breathe. 

He pushes himself off the couch and stumbles to his bathroom. He splashes water on his face, curls up on the cold tiled floor next to the toilet. He feels like he’s spinning and the world is closing in on him and if he could just have a minute, _just one minute_ , to breathe, to think, then he’d be okay. He could go back to reality where everything made sense. 

A few tears make their way down his face, mostly an after-effect of being unable to catch his breath. He feels overwhelmed and weak. _His dad would be so disappointed._ The thought sends more tears cascading down his cheeks. He drags a hand across his face, tries to will them away. 

As he tries to breathe deeply, blood rushes to his head and neck, and everything is white and hot. 

He doesn’t even hear Dennis knock. Doesn’t hear him calling his name. After a couple minutes, the door opens and Dennis sounds like he’s somewhere far away.

“Goddamnit, Mac, didn’t you hear me calling you? Dude, come on, I thought we were gonna watch a movie. Jesus Christ, you look like a mess. Mac?” 

He can’t make his mouth form words. 

Dennis crouches down to his level, still-wet hair dripping onto the bathroom floor. 

"Hey…buddy?” Dennis seems uncomfortable, confused, but genuinely worried.

 "Can I… is it alright if I touch you?”

Mac thinks he must look like a deer in the headlights. His brain is screaming.

_Please, please,_ _please._

__He nods and Dennis mirrors his movement.

"Okay. Uh…okay. It’s alright, just um, try sit up for me, if you can? Keep breathing,“ he adds, as an afterthought. 

Mac, still feeling extremely lightheaded, lets Dennis help him sit up. He’s leaning against the toilet now, spots dancing in his vision. 

“Just…um. Why don’t you pull your knees up, and let your head rest between them? It helps.” He seems to be gaining some confidence, reaching over to help Mac move again. Mac lets him, too out of it to tell him to stop. 

"I’m gonna massage your shoulders a little, okay? I looked it up a while ago and it’s good for helping with anxiety.”

Mac doesn’t bother to ask why Dennis knows this, but he can feel his body vibrating with tension. He responds with a choked moan that’s just soft enough to mean “yes,” and hopes Dennis understands.

Of course, he does.

He rests his hands so gently on Mac’s shoulders that he almost breaks down all over again. 

The movement is repetitive and relaxing and he feels the spasms calming just a little. Dennis works his way up Mac’s neck, stops at the nape, rubbing small circles there. Mac sniffles a little, his eyes burning. He doesn’t want to cry in front of Dennis even more than he already has, but it just feels so _good_. His breath hitches when Dennis hits a particularly tight spot, kneading the tension out with expert precision and ease. A sob wracks Mac’s body. He doesn’t know what to feel. He’s still so confused, he feels hysterical. 

Dennis’s hands pause, lift off of him.

"Did I hurt you?" Dennis asks quietly.

_More than you could ever know._

__Mac shakes his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to submit prompts at alwayssunnyprompts.tumblr.com


End file.
